Recipe
Choose the subject or object form of a pronoun
Use when: you're choosing between I and me, he and him, she and her, we and us, they and them, or who and whom
Goal: the form that matches the pronoun's job in its own clause: the subject form if it does the action, the object form if it receives the action or follows a preposition
Taught in Pronoun Case and Who vs. Whom
Quick recipe
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1
Look only at the words that belong with the pronoun: its own verb, or the preposition right in front of it.
Why: case follows the pronoun's job in its own clause, not its position in the whole sentence.
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2
Cover you and, Sam and, or my sister and, and read the pronoun alone in the sentence.
Example
Send the invoice to Sam and I. Drop Sam and: send the invoice to I sounds wrong. Use me: Send the invoice to Sam and me. Me and Jake went to the store. Drop and Jake: me went sounds wrong. Use I: Jake and I went to the store.
Why: your ear handles a single pronoun well. The pair is what hides the error.
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3
Rebuild the question, or the clause, as a statement using he or him.
Example
___ should we notify about the delay? → We should notify him. → Whom should we notify? ___ notified us? → He notified us. → Who notified us?
- he fits — use who.
- him fits — use whom (both end in -m).
Why: who and whom are the same subject/object pair as he and him, just rarer, so the swap borrows the ear you already trust.
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4
Between, to, for, with, and every other preposition take the object form: between you and me, to whom.
Why: a preposition's object is on the receiving end, the same job the object form marks.
Common mistakes
- Writing between you and I to sound careful. Between is a preposition, so me is correct.
- Choosing whom where the pronoun does the action (Whom is calling?). The answer would be he, so it's who.
- Deciding by where the pronoun sits in the sentence instead of by its job in its own clause.